Living life with depression – It’s ok to not be ok…

(Blog courtesy of Debi Haden: www.debihaden.co.uk)

Only this week I have heard of two acquaintances losing a friend to suicide, both tragically young, with their whole lives ahead of them, but with what they saw as no other way out of how they were feeling with their depression than taking their own lives.

For many the thought of getting to a point of taking your own life is unimageable, for others I’ve heard it described as a selfish act.

In my own life I’ve experienced a cousin take her own life at 21, seen a close friend devastated by her boyfriend choosing to end his life, witnessed someone jump out of an office block to his death and had friends express their fears of dark thoughts.

We can never truly understand the complexities of their lives that drove them to believing this was their only choice, for everyone it will be different.

My story…

I remember as a Samaritan in training, aged 18, struggling to get my head round the concept that someone would make a choice to end their own life. That for some it would be the most in control and at peace they had ever felt in their lives.  It wasn’t until in my 30’s when I was hit by crippling depression and stress that I finally got it, when I realised that my thought process of believing that the decision to leave this world was easier than the ongoing daily mental torture of just getting through…it was only in my darkest moments, at rock bottom, did I suddenly get it, did I truly understand.

When I finally acknowledged my depression, I realised that I had carried it for years, hiding it well, ashamed to admit to myself and others just how bad I had felt, was feeling.  How even with friends and family around me, loving me, caring for me, I felt completely alone, like I was trapped in a bubble with the world going on in a muffled hush around me.

Those dark thoughts floated in and out of my mind on a regular basis, sometimes fleetingly, other times lingering for longer than I’d like to admit, always with the same focus that I didn’t want to keep feeling this crippling emotional pain, and that everyone would be better off without me.

I remember the day so clearly, the day I finally broke into a thousand pieces, at my desk, arriving at work having driven in that day feeling so unwell, both mentally and physically. It was an email that triggered it, nothing earth shattering, but enough to make me lose my facade and fall apart.

I don’t remember getting home that day, but know that for the three weeks that followed I barely moved from the sofa.  I drifted in and out of a dazed stupor, coming to to witness the horror of 9/11 and then drifting back into my own bubble.

Finding my way…

I was one of the lucky ones I had a wonderful doctor who got me back on my feet, that got me support  for my depression and told me it was ok to not be ok, but in time I would be.  For the first time ever I could be me, no more hiding behind the facade, no more telling everyone I was fine when I clearly wasn’t.  You see we get good at hiding it. You’d often never know because on the surface we hold down jobs, we have families, we do holidays and can even appear to have fun, but all the time underneath, we are hiding this dark secret, this crippling guilt, this shame, that we have depression, we have a mental illness…

It wasn’t easy or  a quick process, but definetly worthwhile.  In some ways I’m still working on  me, and probably always will be, but I’m finally ok with that.  I’ve learnt that there will be blips but they wont last, I just have to ride them out.  I’ve accepted that it’s ok to ask for help, to allow others in to help and support me.

I’ve allowed myself to lose the shame and realise that some people will have broken bones, diseases and physical illnesses and some with have mental illnesses, none worse or better than others, just an acceptance that we might all need some mending along the way.

I still have cloudy days, but they have become less frequent over the years, and I’ve become more resilient and accepting of support.

I can now text or ring a friend and say ‘I’m having a bad day’ and know that they will be there to listen.  I can say out loud that I’m low but I don’t know why.  I can  ask my hubby for a hug and reassurance, and that’s ok.

I’m at a point in my life that I can now support others with depression.  I can help them find their coping strategies, their support system, and most importantly their voice to say ‘I’m not ok’

You have choices…

If you are struggling right now, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you do have choices.  You can feel better than where you are right now.  It is ok to ask for help, and it really is nothing to be ashamed of.  I believe I have become a stronger person since ‘coming out’. I wouldn’t be the person I am, or be able to help people in the way that I do, without my experiences.

Find out more about how I can help you with depression, stress or anxiety through the link below.

Book your FREE 30 minute Clarity Call today by clicking ‘Discover More’.  See how Debi can help you! Discover more

Find gratitude for all that you have to find happiness

(Blog courtesy of Debi Haden: www.debihaden.co.uk)

I can’t help but feel a huge swell of gratitude and happiness for what I have around me. I’m watching the swallows circling and gliding on this remarkably mild evening air from the tranquility of my garden.  My life hasn’t suddenly changed, my mum still has dementia, and I haven’t won the lottery! What I do have however is a real mindful connection, right here in the moment, good and bad; feeling, hearing, seeing…truly here in the present!
I can sit here and sense the start of Autumn, a season I love. I can hear the song of the birds, my mums laughter from her room, the clatter of pans from the kitchen where my husband is cooking dinner. I can feel the night air on my skin and I can see the cotton wool clouds in the sky, whilst the swallows silhouettes appear amongst them from time to time. I can smell the wonderful scent of the newly cut lawn, and the jasmine which comes into its own in the evenings.
Not one of these things in my day is remarkable, but that’s what makes them extra special, because, if you can truly appreciate and feel gratitude for the small things in life, how much happier and content will you feel, and when those goals and dreams you desire come knocking,  you will truly be ready to receive them.
In the busy world we live in it is so easy to become disconnected from our thoughts, feelings and emotions.  Often we will feel our mood change but we don’t know why. I encourage my clients to start with this simple exercise to help start to re-connect with  themselves.

Take time each day to stand still, be in the moment and ask yourself…

How am I feeling?
What am I thinking?
What sensations are going in my body?
How would I describe my mood?
It’s not happiness that brings us gratitude, it’s gratitude that brings us happiness”
Would you like to live more in the moment and find your happy?
Book your FREE 30 minute Clarity Call today by clicking the ‘Discover More’ button and see how Debi can help you! Discover more

 

The Trusted Law ‘Charity of the Autumn’ is…..Embrace!

(Blog courtesy of Trusted Law: www.trustedlaw.co.uk)

Every quarter, Trusted Law will be supporting a charity, and we are delighted to announce that our ‘Charity of the Autumn’ is …Embrace!

Embrace: People – Futures – Change is a social enterprise based in East Anglia, supporting people in the community primarily through coaching, but also ongoing support, mentoring and signposting.

Embrace strongly believes that everyone deserves a chance to shine and to have the future they want and deserve; their strap line is ‘Supporting you to become the best version of you’.

They embrace people, supporting them to embrace their own futures and together they embrace and support change, benefiting the wider society. Working primarily with people who feel marginalised and excluded from society, through homelessness, offending behaviour and disability, but this list is by no means exhaustive.

How you can help

There are many ways in which you can help Embrace:

  • You could volunteer your time and expertise,
  • You could make a donation via their go fund me page,
  • If you are a business, this could form part of your Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR), get in touch to find out more,
  • You could sponsor an individual to go through the Embrace program, or a specific project or event,
  • You could buy one of their beautiful 2019 calendars. These are just £10.00 each or £11.99 including postage and packaging, please get in touchwith Embrace for details.

Events

In September 2018, 12th – 15th, the three directors of Embrace, Emma, Duncan and Hayley will be walking from the entire Norfolk Coast Path, Hunstanton to Hopton, approximately 84 miles over 4 days to raise awareness and funds for their life changing work!

They aim to raise £10,000.00 and would love your support; it is going to be a challenge and shows how committed they are and how much they believe in what they are doing.

Support

If you are looking to support a not for profit organisation just like Embrace, making a real sustainable difference in your community as a part of your social responsibility, they would love to speak with you; this could be by supporting them with your expertise, becoming an ambassador for Embrace PFC CIC or by making a donation. Click this link to find out more: Support Embrace PFC CIC.

Please give generously!

Our support:

I have pledged to Embrace that for every new appointment made in September, October and November I will donate a minimum of £10 (increased depending on the service) to the them.

This is not restricted to those who know about this offer – this is for every new client Trusted Law gains during this period!

What you can do to help:

If you have ‘make a Will’ on your to do list, why not make an appointment today and help a charity in the process?  If you already have your Will and Estate Planning sorted, tell your family and friends who may still need to do theirs……

Or

Get involved with Embrace – they need financial support through donations and they need volunteers to get involved. If you are interested, you can find more detail on their website at embracepfc.com.

Our service:

We offer appointments in the comfort of your own home and at a time to suit you, including evenings and weekends.

We will work with you to agree what is best for you both and your family.  Everything we discuss will always be private and confidential, and you will never feel rushed or pressured.

It is a process that can be dealt with relatively quickly, and it can save you hours of stress trying to figure out what is needed.

Most importantly it will provide you with the peace of mind, knowing that you have a valid Will in place, that won’t fail you or your family during their time of grieving.

To make your appointment, or for an informal chat, please feel free to contact me via email: enquiries@trustedlaw.co.ukor phone: 01953 711 950 / 07972 212 355.

About Trusted Law Ltd

Trusted Law (previously Trusted Wills & Probate Ltd) provides a wide range of services to protect your loved ones and your assets, providing you with much needed peace of mind. 

Our team take the time to get to know you, your family and your wishes to ensure that we are providing you with the right service. No matter how complicated your situation may be, we will work with you to find the right solution.

To read ’Our Story’ (explaining how Trusted Law was established) please click here.

 If you would like to discover what our clients say about us, please feel free to read our client Testimonials.